my feeling about my loss

[wanda farrow]

in memory and in love with my baby raven, she passed 12-18-08 and I miss her dearly, I had to put her to sleep because of a narrow wind pipe in her neck that was starting to give trouble. I was very afraid that I might come home and find her passed on with out anyone home with her, that would have just killed me to see this.

So, when the doctor told me that I would have a problem and that it would come one day, that I would have to decide. I cried thinking of everyone in my family and feeling not only for me but everyone that loved her as well.
well after two months went by after 10-08. I didn't think about it as much, with her taking medicine she still was having problems and the thought came back and every time I was faced with the thought again ,my heart will fall.

Well, a late night in december we had to rush her to the hospital and once again I had to decide , well with the doctors help and not wanting her to suffer the choice was made, and the moment I had with her pass, present, and then was the hardest, and to believe she is now gone still feels unreal.

Sitting with her, I saw her soul leave her body and as her eye's blacken the reflection of me faded away until she took her last breath.

this was the hardest and now I am crying, thinking about this again. it's so hard, but with the cards and this website I'm able to keep her memory alive and with the planting of a tree in memory of her give me something to look forward to and visit when I'm able.

feeling like a life was take and now a life is now given back by planting this tree. this was the first time I have spoke about this in this way and I thank those who have read and understood that this is my only out let for now, to balance my sorrow,

I would like to thank you all.

[wanda farrow]

12-12-09

to update my feeling about my lost I can now say with it being almost a year that my sorrow about raven is still strong but less painful. However, she's dearly missed, but with time my feeling has gotten better and going back and reading my post on my feelings, my tears have lessen but my heart still feels a little heavy missing her still I think about all the things we have done together and my memory of her still remain strong.

It will be a year soon and with time my understanding has become dominant and the pain has lighten up. I feel now that she has taken on a new role in life or sprit for her self and I should be happy for and release my selfishness, with that in mind I can work on letting go, but not forgetting. with love. mommy to raven.